A few days ago was six months since I finished my chemo and said goodbye to Baxter. In the car on the way home I did nothing but cry for forty five minutes and update my Facebook with the comment "I did it. F**ck you cancer. F**k you." It was supposed to be over then.
But i've found that in the months following the needles, tubes and pills, i've had more opportunity to dwell on things than I did during treatment.
You may have seen recently that the TV presenter Jeremy Kyle was diagnosed with testicular cancer before christmas and underwent surgery and preventative chemotherapy. He described his chemo as like having a constant migraine and being shot in every limb. As you'll know from previous blogs. I didn't really have any of that, a very lucky man. But since i've finished treatment, that's when i've noticed every little pain and niggle in my body. If I feel anything remotely similar to that ache last April i'm immediately focussed. My solution to this has been to worry a little then seek displacement activity as I know that i'm under very good observation so if there is anything to worry about then I will know when I need to.
The form of this displacement has recently been the gym. I'm nearly back in the office full time so I thought I should start back in the gym more often and was very surprised with the results. Any issue with my lungs seems to have cleared up because i'm a demon on the treadmill and cross trainer at the moment (it's far too cold to be running outside at the moment) and i've also impressed myself with some good weight training. Now, being able to do the exercise is one thing. Recovering from it is a whole different ball game. Over the last week i've been going to bed ridiculously early but not sleeping well and today I was aching from exercises I did four or five days ago. When I say aching I mean Jeremy Kyle style aching as though shot in my limbs. So I suppose i've pushed myself too far in my striving for normality. A few strides forward, many many back.
It's annoying that this has to come now. I'm trying not to let what happened to me define who I am but it seems it's too soon to let it go just now.
I'll just have to try a few less physically demanding diversions for now.
But i've found that in the months following the needles, tubes and pills, i've had more opportunity to dwell on things than I did during treatment.
You may have seen recently that the TV presenter Jeremy Kyle was diagnosed with testicular cancer before christmas and underwent surgery and preventative chemotherapy. He described his chemo as like having a constant migraine and being shot in every limb. As you'll know from previous blogs. I didn't really have any of that, a very lucky man. But since i've finished treatment, that's when i've noticed every little pain and niggle in my body. If I feel anything remotely similar to that ache last April i'm immediately focussed. My solution to this has been to worry a little then seek displacement activity as I know that i'm under very good observation so if there is anything to worry about then I will know when I need to.
The form of this displacement has recently been the gym. I'm nearly back in the office full time so I thought I should start back in the gym more often and was very surprised with the results. Any issue with my lungs seems to have cleared up because i'm a demon on the treadmill and cross trainer at the moment (it's far too cold to be running outside at the moment) and i've also impressed myself with some good weight training. Now, being able to do the exercise is one thing. Recovering from it is a whole different ball game. Over the last week i've been going to bed ridiculously early but not sleeping well and today I was aching from exercises I did four or five days ago. When I say aching I mean Jeremy Kyle style aching as though shot in my limbs. So I suppose i've pushed myself too far in my striving for normality. A few strides forward, many many back.
It's annoying that this has to come now. I'm trying not to let what happened to me define who I am but it seems it's too soon to let it go just now.
I'll just have to try a few less physically demanding diversions for now.
